you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Operation Purity has been aborted
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
