this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
