I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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