I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
