the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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