Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
