wat bout pragnant strippers??
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
