I'm really into asian looking animals
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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