yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
