Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
