When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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