And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
