So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize