I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
