i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She told me I should be a condom model.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
