What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
