I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
