I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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