i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
