Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My liver just had a heart attack.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
