he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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