We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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