I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
