Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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