And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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