Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
