is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
