Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
