he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
