see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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