you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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