the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
