How'd it feel making her break her religion?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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