is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize