The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
