how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
