my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
