I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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