I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Randomize
