Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
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Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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