HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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