beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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