Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
