Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
