he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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