I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
