no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
