Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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