I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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