I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
