One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
