The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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