She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
