A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
