you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
