i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
