i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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