just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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