I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
