At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
